The Voice of Anxiety and Depression: A Poem

The Voice of Depression

My dentist hates me because I don’t floss.
My doctor hates me because I eat fast food.
My doctor hates me because I don’t exercise.
My doctor hates me because I don’t. sleep. enough.
My boss hates me because I’m always groggy.
My coworkers hate me because I’m not friendly enough.
My clients hate me because I take too long to work.
My friends hate me because I don’t spend enough time with them.
My family hates me because I don’t spend enough time with them.
My spouse hates me because I don’t spend enough time with him.
My guests hate me because I don’t clean enough.
My critics hate me because I don’t practice enough.

Everyone hates me because I can’t find the right balance.

If I could only find the right balance I could be perfect.

But none of this is true.
No one hates me.
Except
me.

I’m the one who hates me.
Because it feels like I can’t do anything right.

I’m diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD. It’s something I’ve been learning about and learning to work with on a daily basis. I wrote this poem in an attempt to explain what anxiety and depression can sometimes feel like. Maybe it will help someone else struggling with similar problems. Or maybe it will help others to better understand.

I think it’s important to note that these aren’t necessarily things that I (or anyone with anxiety or depression) believe. Rather, it’s what anxiety and depression try to make us believe. It’s like someone following you around and whispering these things in your ear, and you know it’s a lie, but you can’t help but wonder because it won’t stop talking. So no, I don’t believe everyone hates me (or anyone, for that matter). And I don’t actually hate myself. But when my depression gets really bad, there are times where it really does feel that way.

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13 Responses to The Voice of Anxiety and Depression: A Poem

  1. titanhex says:

    Definitely true. Guilt is a major part of depression, and this underlines the type of guilt depression imposes on us.

    The most important thing to remember is it has nothing to do with self esteem. The reactions we feel when depressed usually have no merit or reason or logic behind them.

    • brandimiller says:

      So glad to hear someone else who understands! Before writing this poem, when it dawned on me why I had been depressed lately, it was majorly because I felt guilty about EVERYTHING. I felt guilty that I wasn’t a good enough person because I couldn’t do all the things that a “perfect” person does. And if I dedicated my time to getting perfect at one thing, I would end up slacking in the other areas, which would just make it more frustrating.

      I definitely realize it’s impossible to be perfect, so there’s no real reason for these feelings, but that doesn’t stop the feelings from cropping up! I just have to keep reminding myself not to listen to them.

  2. ontheregimen says:

    I commented on fito, but I figured I would drop you one here. Nice poem.

    This is interesting: “So no, I don’t believe everyone hates me (or anyone, for that matter). And I don’t actually hate myself.”

    Because I don’t know if it is true for a lot of people. I think there are many people who actually do hate themselves and/or actually think they are disliked by others.

    -Mike

    • brandimiller says:

      You are definitely right! While I don’t truly hate myself or truly believe everyone hates me, though there are times when it feels that way, there are plenty of people who really do believe that. I think that is when depression is at its worst; when you actually start to believe these things. It’s really sad that it can get so bad, and I hope that anyone who gets to this point seeks help.

  3. karen says:

    As a ADD person myself with depression and anxiety (at times) and the mother of four kids with the same. I will say that you really described how they and I feel. It does feel like that and I do have to keep telling myself that what I am hearing in my ears isn’t true. They are whispers of nothing! Thanks for sharing and keep sharing!

    • brandimiller says:

      Thank you! You’re right, it’s just something you have to keep reminding yourself. 🙂 I’m really glad this post was so well-received and I will continue sharing!

  4. agrajag says:

    Certainly don’t hate you. Only just met you, but saw enough of you to feel confident stating that I *like* you. You’re funny, charming, intelligent ant nerdy. That’s pretty darn good in my book.

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